I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
