i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
