I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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