I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just blew my weed a kiss
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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