There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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