I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
