I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
