question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
