Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
