Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
