I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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