She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
