just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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