a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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