i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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