so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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