when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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