I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We are two peas in an std pod
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
