It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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