remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
