It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize