i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
