Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
