Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
