Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm both gender and math confused
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
