Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
