you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
