Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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