guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
