I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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