I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
