is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize