I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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