i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize