It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
