At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
