Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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