There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize