Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
