Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize