it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
