I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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