How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
As shirtless as possible
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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