I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
