Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
