Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
