She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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