You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
