Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
