I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
