I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
