i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
