I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
