i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
