Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
