Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
