yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she pinky promised me she was 18
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
