I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize