In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
