Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize