We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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