you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
