i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
