Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Randomize