so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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