I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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