It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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