Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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