well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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