Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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