She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
