If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
