OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
