If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
