Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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