God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
