I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
