If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
