So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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