There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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