What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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