margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
