what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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