Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
