woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
