its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
