sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
