Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
