so that wasnt chicken after all
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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