do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The power of my boobs compel you
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
