Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
