new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
