How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize