I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
