How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
