At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
