He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
