Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
