Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Randomize
