What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
