Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
