Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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