You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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