Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize