I wish I could punch you in the face.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
