cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
